“Do not be anxious about anything” (Philippians 4:6a ESV) is an instruction that I fail to follow just about every day. Not because I want to be or enjoy being anxious, but because I am just filled with concerns about my life and future, and that of those whom I love. I am learning, slowly but surely, that God does not give us this instruction because He expects us not to care about the things going on around us, or because He expects us to be so “holy” that trusting Him is easy and automatic, but rather, because He wants us to know and believe that He cares about the things and people around us even more than we do. For several years now, He has been teaching me the value of peace of mind, and what that actually means.
What Peace is NOT
Peace is not pretending that what bothers you doesn’t, or acting like everything is ok when it’s not. A dear friend of mine recently reminded me that denying how I feel will only dig me into a deeper pit. Peace is not stifling or running away from your emotions. It’s not avoidance, and it’s not making yourself so numb that you just don’t think about the things that worry you any more. If this is your reality, I highly encourage you “be strong and courageous” and let yourself feel! I understand that actually experiencing all of the emotions inside of you can be utterly terrifying. Emotions can be totally overwhelming and make you feel crazy and out of control. But the reality is, we have emotions for a reason. Not to allow them to take over and make our decisions for us, but to make us more self-aware, and more cognizant of what is going on within us. Not allowing yourself to feel can bring you to a place where you are totally disconnected from yourself. Still, the process of becoming self-aware, especially if you have lived a life in which you have never given yourself the space to experience your emotions, can be very painful and humbling. If, however, you allow yourself to go through the process of actually looking in the mirror and seeing all the wrinkles, scars, and bruises that life has inflicted upon you, and then partnering with God towards complete, from-the-inside-out, healing and renewal, it can absolutely be the most rewarding and fulfilling experience of your life.
The Peace of God
The rest of verse 6 (mentioned above) and verse 7 of Philippians 4 say “but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” So, according to this scripture, the way through the things that worry you to peace of mind is “prayer and supplication.” What does that mean? Prayer is simply communication with God. In this case – talking to Him about the things that worry or concern us. To supplicate means “to pray humbly, make humble and earnest entreaty or petition,” (and to entreat means “to beseech, implore, beg or ask earnestly for something”) (dictionary.com). In other words, “prayer and supplication,” which lead to peace of mind, requires being very open and honest with God. And openness and honesty require some serious vulnerability.
Eww…vulnerability. Doesn’t that word just make you cringe?
If we’re going to be vulnerable with anyone (especially the One who created us and knows us better than we know ourselves), we have to start out by being honest with ourselves. Much easier said than done, especially if you have lived on either extreme of 1) pretending that everything is ok when it’s not, and that you don’t feel what you feel, or 2) allowing your emotions to run and rule you. Either way, coming to a place of acknowledging and admitting that you have not been handling challenging situations in a healthy way can be very uncomfortable and difficult, even painful.
As hard as it may be to be truly honest with yourself, once you make the decision to look in the mirror and see your ugliness, God is right there waiting to hold your hand as you journey together towards healing. I have learned that vulnerability leads to intimacy. And intimacy with Jesus changes everything.
My Quest for Peace
My vulnerability/intimacy with Jesus process started a few years ago, and it is certainly ongoing and still a challenge many days. Due to my circumstances at the time, I was in a place of constant frustration, anxiety, anger and sadness, and I was feeling lonelier than I’d ever felt before. My way of handling this challenging time was letting my emotions take over and lashing out at those I care about the most. I was miserable, and was very unpleasant to be around. After several months of this, I began to grow tired of living in a constant state of misery and I began to consider that this could not be God’s best for me. I quieted myself down one day, and had a serious heart to heart with Jesus. God gave me the courage to take a look into that proverbial mirror and to let Him show me the ugliness inside of me. I asked Him what *I* needed to do differently, and He began to teach me that, although I could not control my circumstances, I COULD control the way I responded to them. He revealed to me how I was living in a constant state of focusing on the negative things in my life, and that I rarely focused on His greatness, His power, and His ability to work through my circumstances. I wasn’t talking to Him about my concerns, I was just dwelling on them all day and letting them consume my thoughts. This conversation with the Lord was the start of my beautiful, albeit painful, journey of renewal, healing and restoration. As I opened up to my Creator, I began to experience a peace that didn’t make any sense (“which surpasses all understanding”) and that I truly did not know was possible. That peace began to protect my heart from all of my self destructive habits (“will guard your hearts and your minds”) and I literally began to transform into a different person.
I’ll share more about how I’m changing in my next post, but I want to reiterate that this is an ONGOING PROCESS!! As I mentioned, I still fail at not being anxious just about every day. I still often forget to focus on Jesus instead of the difficult circumstances before me. I sometimes become totally overwhelmed by what seems like an impossible situation, and lose sight of how powerful the God of the universe is. The difference now, though, is that God has personally taught me the truth that He really is much greater than my circumstances. I have experienced His peace, so now I know it’s an option, even though I’m not always very good at walking in it. As I continue to grow to deeper levels of intimacy with God through vulnerability, He remains SO consistent, and constantly reminds me that His way is so much better than mine. He gently reels me back in when I get distracted and reminds me that it’s ok that I’m not perfect. That’s why Jesus came and died for me 🙂
JLDM 