Learning How to Mommy

It’s been several months since my last post because I started this blog shortly before my beautiful baby girl arrived. Now I’m 5 months into Mommyhood and it’s AMAZING!! But also quite scary, not to mention full of imperfections. I’m seeing my flaws and shortcomings in ways that I never have before. It’s such a huge responsibility to care for a tiny, helpless human being, and such a great privilege. It’s stressful and intimidating and wonderful and beautiful. Every day is an adventure.

When I found out I was pregnant, I knew that learning how to parent while in medical school would be quite the challenge. I didn’t know how it would work out (I still don’t), but I hoped I would be able to keep it all together. I have come to embrace the truth that I often don’t and won’t keep it all together. Honestly, lots of times, I can’t keep any of it together. For example, showers have become a hot commodity – I’m smelly way more often than I’m proud of. I’m frequently late for classes, quizzes, and exams for various reasons. Sometimes, it’s because it takes WAY longer to get myself and my daughter ready in the morning than I expect. Other times it’s just because I was trying to get an extra few minutes of sleep to make up for waking up to breastfeed in the middle of the night…and then those few minutes magically turn into 30. I’m usually behind in my studies, and sometimes my daughter’s clothes don’t match. I nap whenever I can and put off doing laundry as long as I can. I have all these challenges, even with the help and support of my husband and our family. I have so much respect for women who do this alone.

The only way I know how to do all of this is to take it one day at a time and embrace the reality that there are innumerable factors that are far outside of my control. Being the “perfect mom” is a lofty goal, and one that I know I won’t achieve. And that’s ok. I’m learning to do my best with what I can control, let the chips fall where they may, and address each situation as it arises. My daughter’s endless smiles and giggles lead me to believe that she knows she is loved, and I care way more about that than I do about matching socks. 🙂